sunny with a chance

It’s one of those sunny-with-a-chance days…

a chance that I might break down at any moment and cry for hours.

a chance that something really great could happen, and my day would be absolutely spectacular.

a chance that I may be in a really great mood or a really terrible mood.

I woke up this morning and decided (subconsciously, I think…hopefully) that my mood would be based on my circumstances.

And that’s a huge problem.

I want for my life to be found in Christ.  And that means my attitude, my emotions, my everything.

Not that this day should have to be the best ever, but I certainly want for there to be visible fruit… ya know- joy, patience, kindness.  I’d love for despite my circumstances, my attitude to still be gentle and loving.

That’s really hard.

Frustration, inadequacy, rejection.  Those are the things that would be easier for me to feel today.

I will not be shaken. There is power in the name of Jesus.  This will be my anthem today.

Unexpectedly Giddy

An hour of phone conversation with Dawn led to this idea:  writing a book together.

Dawn graduated from Anderson with degrees in English and Painting.  She’s extremely creative, an awesome writer (although to be honest, nothing tops her amazing painting abilities).  She also happens to be one of my best friends from Anderson (and from life in general).

And I have a lot of free time currently.

So together, this is perfect. Right?

Yes.

I’m super excited.

When I mentioned it, it was semi-casual, me being me with silly, grande ideas.  Then we said something else about it and decided that even if not a single person ever sees our book, it will be a beautiful adventure.

A new story.

And I got so giddy.  Like the kind of giddy that a 13 year old is when the boy she likes asks her if he can borrow a pencil.  Or that a 24 year old gets when a boy tells her she’s beautiful or writes

really terribly funny poetry…but I guess no matter the age, it’s all the same, right?

The point is that had I known that something like deciding to write a book that no one

may ever read would make me so overwhelmingly excited, I probably would have suggested it to her years ago!

Samples to come! I’m going to be an author!

Then and Now

I’m listening to Dave Barnes sing “I believe that we can change the world” and sitting in a fort I made out of blankets and sheets.

When I was little, I really did think I’d change the world.  I was going to be the best teacher Duncan Chapel had ever seen and South Carolina wasn’t going to be in the bottom 2 states for schools, and all of my 3rd graders would graduate college and become presidents and musicians and stock brokers.

I also, as a 4 or 5 year old, begged my mom to write words or draw pictures on my head with the shampoo when she would wash my hair.

I never asked for a pony/horse for Christmas.  I think my parents probably scared me out of asking for one by telling me that I’d have to clean up it’s poop.

My best friend in elementary school was Emily, and we were the student editors for the school newspaper.  I think I let it go to my head.  I still wonder if that would be appropriate to put on a resume in hopes that it would get me a cool job.

I kissed a boy on the knee in a tunnel at recess once, and until college I was convinced that that counted. At that point I realized that I didn’t remember his name, and I figured I had a blank kissing slate.

I think the point is, that not much about me has changed since then.  Except now I don’t think I can change the world.

I think that’s the only thing I should have kept.

Closed Doors, Answered Prayers and a Thousand Questions

A thousand questions.

That’s how productive my day has been.

I wish I knew at least one answer.  I feel like some of the answers are late, but I guess I’m not God and I don’t have control of that timeline, so those answers that aren’t here are right on time.

I’m trying to figure out exactly what I’m doing these days.  What’s new, right?

It’s weird because so many things are going right, and so many things are going wrong, and even the things that are going wrong seem so much like answered prayers.  Answered prayers in the I-had-no-idea-I-wanted-God-to-answer-like-this kind of way.  All I can seem to do today is look at closed doors and praise God for them.  I mean, I’m so relieved now.  So relieved.

Anyway.  I’ve been learning TONS (or just a really really overwhelming amount) about discipleship and how to do it, and about story and how to live it.

And that’s fantastic.

Now I’ve got a whole semester to spend doing…ummm…I have no earthly idea.

And that’s fantastic too, in some sense.

But I’d really like to figure out how these two things go together.

I’ve got the time, and I’ve got the desire to live a great story that includes spending time with some girls, but what is that going to look like?  And what does the rest of this story look like?

What doors are going to open in the place of the ones that have closed?

When I’m 34 (holy cow!)

Plinky: 10 years from now, what do you hope your life will be like?

I’m almost afraid to answer this question.

I’ve made plans.

I had a 5 year and 10 year plan when I was a freshman in high school (which happens to have been exactly 10 years ago). None of those things happened.

Not one.

I’m not married.  I don’t have children.  I’m not a teacher.  Heck- I don’t even have a big kid job.  I haven’t moved out of my parent’s house permanently.  I don’t have thousands of dollars sitting in the bank.  I don’t have my own black lab.

But as discussed before, I’m excited about where my life has led me, and where it’s going.

That being said- where do I want to be in 10 years?

I honestly have no idea.

Sure, I’d like to be married, and at least considering children at that point.  I guess if I had a job or were financially stable, I’d be excited about that too.  A cute dog or a backyard pool would be fun.

But really, I’d like to be able to look at the last 10 years (which, now, is the next 10 years) and laugh at the memories that I’ve made with people that I love.  I’d like to see how I’ve grown closer to Christ and how that has been reflected in my life and in the lives of people around me.  I want to have started a story, and lived it out to be one worth telling.

In 10 years I want to be me, but 34.